
For the 1,347th time: I don't give a flying fig profiterole about having a frilly, overpriced marriage ceremony in a church or a chapel or a cathedral or a synagogue or a mosque or a carcass-strewn clearing outside Salem, Massachusetts. All I want is the peace of mind that comes with knowing that were I ever to be run down by a cell phone-wielding, SUV-driving Minnesotan tourist while crossing the godforsaken intersection of Canal Street and St. Charles Avenue, my boyfriend would have the right--nay, the duty--to unplug my ass from the wall.
So all you self-appointed protectors of the US Constitution go right ahead and pass your "Federal Marriage Amendment" or your "Marriage Protection Act" or your "Adultery is for Breeders Resolution." The gays are a peaceful but crafty people: no matter how much spiteful, hateful legislation you throw our way, we'll find a way to institute a system of civil unions that allows us to accumulate and perpetuate family wealth just as you and your round-peg-round-hole friends do.