Wednesday, September 29, 2004

I'm sorry, but the soapbox is sticking around for another day or two.

I was all prepared to write about the weather or the Voynich manuscript or porn's restorative effects on the elderly. Then I got an email.

I've mentioned before that I subscribe to the American Family Association newsletter; as far as I'm concerned, it's the best way to keep tabs on the not-so-secret, oh-so-evil empire. Every week I get a couple of emails asking me to harrass this person or tell off that company. It's all very interesting.

Yesterday, however, the AFA asked me to boycott Procter & Gamble because they had the audacity to advertise their products--in a gay magazine, no less. Given the impending passage of so much hate-filled legislation across the country and the increasing likelihood of another four years of frat boys in the White House, I guess it just set me off.

So, instead of ignoring the missive or fuming in silence, I think action is required. Care to join me? Here's what you can do:

See the ad for yourself. I'll admit, it's a little racy, a little suggestive, but then, it wasn't meant to run in Highlights freakin' magazine!

Go out and buy a handful of Procter & Gamble products--Crest toothpaste, Tide detergent, or Pampers diapers, for example. Call P&G Chairman A.G. Lafley at 513 983 1100 and assure him that you and your friends will continue to make such purchases. While you've got him on the phone, let him know that the AFA is a bunch of right-wing nutjobs. And compliment him on his tie--CEOs just love that kind of thing.

For extra credit:

• Hack the AFA website. Photoshop Don Wildmon's face into some hot, Brazilian bisexual three-way porn pics, and post them to the index page. Funnel all of the AFA's online donations to the ACLU--I mean, who'll know?





• Stake out a spot in front of your favorite Pentacostal church and hug a person of color (or a cracker, if you're a person of color yourself).





• Invite Don and his family to a service at the local MCC. Make sure to do it on camera, preferably in front of representatives from network and cable news media. If he balks, hint that there might be fruit cocktail with marshmallows after the sermon--I bet he'll come around.

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