Southern men have this thing about their bodies. Or maybe it's American men in general. Or at least white men. Whatever: for certain segments of this country's male population, when it comes to clothes--particularly beach attire--hiding the goods is very important.
It's not a modesty thing. Modesty is Muslim women taking the veil or Pentacostal gals wearing ankle-length skirts. Modesty is me buttoning up my shirt an extra notch when I go to see Jonno's grandmother. No, if Amerihonky beachwear was modesty-driven, it stands to reason that white men would cover up their beer guts and bare arms, too. As it is though, they're all-too-content to show off above the waistline.
It's a macho thing, I guess. These guys wear big, baggy swimsuits to hide the fact that they're not well-endowed--or perhaps to hide the fact that they're very well endowed. They follow a set of implicit rules that men in the rest of the world never picked up on: "Don't draw attention to your crotch, buddy, 'cause I don't wanna start comparing. I don't even wanna look at it 'cause it makes me uncomfortable, looking at your schlong." Same thing goes for hiding the ass. Size-envy and homophobia, wrapped up in one sartorial package.
That's why the Hispandex site has intrigued me for years. These guys--mostly Hispanic, but sometimes Eastern European, too--aren't shy about showing off. I get the feeling that in Puerto Rico or Moscow, finding an oversized pair of Jams would be nearly impossible: just racks and racks of Speedos. The thought of my family visiting such a beach or, conversely, a busload of these guys descending on the Mississippi Gulf Coast, is enough to make me squirm. In a good way.
