Friday, January 21, 2005

Subtext and other stuff you didn't hear in
W's manifesto for a neo-crusade inauguration speech

...our duties are defined not by the words I use, but by the history we have seen together.

"Though they're both pretty scary, ain't they? Heh, heh..."

And then there came a day of fire.

"I've been reading a lot from Revelations lately. Can ya' tell?"

For as long as whole regions of the world simmer in resentment and tyranny prone to ideologies that feed hatred and excuse murder, violence will gather and multiply in destructive power...

"I'm not gonna name names, but y'all know who I'm talkin' about: all those towelheads over there in the hot, hot desert. Simmer...that's a good one, Karl!"

Freedom, by its nature, must be chosen, and defended by citizens, and sustained by the rule of law and the protection of minorities.

"'Cept for fags, dykes, and she-males."

All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: the United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors.

"Unless y'all live in Burundi, China, Colombia, Cuba, Democratic Republic of Congo, Indonesia, Liberia, Myanmar, Nepal, Nigeria, Rwanda, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Tibet, Venezuela, or anyplace else that ain't on the 'Axis of Evil'."

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves; and, under the rule of a just God, cannot long retain it.

"But, uh, you might not wanna ask the friends and family of them 226,000 tsunami victims whether God is just..."

And all the allies of the United States can know: we honor your friendship, we rely on your counsel, and we depend on your help.

[Insert frog joke here.]

Americans, at our best, value the life we see in one another...

"Then again, at our worst, we're a seething mass of consumerism, greed, and bigotry."

...and must always remember that even the unwanted have worth.

"And by 'unwanted,' I mean 'fudgepackers'."

And our country must abandon all the habits of racism, because we cannot carry the message of freedom and the baggage of bigotry at the same time.

"Darkies are fine. Unless they're fudgepackers."

History has an ebb and flow of justice, but history also has a visible direction, set by liberty and the Author of Liberty.

"Except when it comes to fags gettin' married. We're gonna put a stop to that right now."

When the Declaration of Independence was first read in public and the Liberty Bell was sounded in celebration, a witness said, it rang as if it meant something.

"Then it cracked."

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