Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Okay, here's a coupla questions for all you Catholics:

The pope is infallible, right? But what if the cardinals who select the guy fuck up? What if it becomes a popularity contest and the wrong man wins? What if Zbignew from the Transvaal is all like, "No way am I choosing that troll--she made a pass at me in the middle of Easter mass!" and Ngugi from Kenya is like, "Oh, please. At least he knows how to use a freaking abacus. That guy you're rooting for couldn't count to two on his thumbs!" And Eugenio from Abruzzi chimes in, "Dudes, let's just put the names in a goddamn hat! Seriously, I got a hot date tonight. ...Now where's the can in this joint?"

And then some newbie from Uzbekistan becomes the next pope, and he's throwing parties in the papal apartment and mooning Alessio Vinci and the rest of the press. Meanwhile, the [allegedly] infallible guy grabs a slice of pizza [cheese only, 'cause he's feeling kinda ascetic], washes it down with a cheap glass of table wine at some crummy Sicilian tourist trap, then throws himself in the Mediterranean.

So, um, what does the church do if that happens?

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