Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Not 15 minutes after I made yesterday's post about the state of my refrigerator, I got an email from my mom containing a bona fide recipe for spinach and cottage cheese casserole--which was followed a few minutes later by an email from my sister urging me to substitute ricotta for the cottage cheese. Who knew I had such practical people in my life?

Then I received an email from Renya, who recently found herself in a predicament similar to my own. Ever the industrious one, though, she took the bold step of penning a cookbook for folks like us....

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And here they are: Recipes for the Domestically Distracted! Creative and easy dishes to prepare for the individual who forgets to care. Just look inside! Anything goes! Colorfully illustrated for the perpetually stoned!

Here's just a sample:

Apple & Light Bulb Salad Surprise

Ingredients: Apples (any kind), light bulb (one or more -- burned-out is okay)

1. Chop apples finely and add to medium-sized bowl.

2. Place light bulb(s) into paper lunch bag and break into pieces with several sharp taps of heavy spoon.

3. Empty paper lunch bag into bowl of finely chopped apples.

4. Add two tablespoons of mayonnaise (optional)

5. Stir briskly. [Ed. note: For added maudlin effect, watch Breaking the Waves, The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant, or anything of comparable suicide-inducing bleakness while stirring. Every so often, mutter, "Is this why I went to college? Is this what my life has become?"]

6. Enjoy!

* * * * *

Savory Peanut Butter Lasagna Snackers
(accompaniment with beverage of choice a must)

Ingredients: Half-box leftover lasagna pasta, peanut butter (any quantity), sugar (brown, white, or confectioners).

1. Snap each piece of lasagna pasta into as many 2x3-inch tabs as available quantity will yield.

2. Use existing peanut butter to coat each tab -- thickness of peanut butter layer may vary.

3. Sprinkle generously with variety of sugar available.

4. Enjoy!

Other favorites, such as Hearty Beer and Raisin Bran Medley, Zesty Paprika Eggs & Olives, and Stale Cheese and Friskies Bake are also highlighted in Recipes for the Domestically Distracted. Shop Amazon now to order your copy, and start learning to live with yourself!

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