Thursday, December 21, 2006

So, tomorrow is the winter solstice. Shortest day of the year and all that. Inspiration for the festival with the tree and the reindeer and the obese man in red, and subsequently the manger and the three Weissmans--Jacob, Ira, and Schlomo. You know all that.

What you may not know is that tomorrow has also been chosen as the day for the first annual Synchronized Global Orgasm for Peace by some group of hippies artists scientists hippies from, of all places, California. The rationale? "To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy: a Synchronized Global Orgasm."

Of course, being hippies and all, they have a problem setting deadlines. Presumably, a real deadline might harsh someone's buzz. So this allegedly synchronized, allegedly global orgasm will happen tomorrow "at the time of your choosing, in the place of your choosing and with as much privacy as you choose."

Okay, Rainbow and Starshine, apparently you don't quite get the concept of "synchronized". Lemme put in terms that'll make sense to you: "synchronized" is like when you're at your dealer's house passing the Coke can-cum-bong and watching QVC, and everyone gets the munchies at the same time. Make sense? Good. So put down the hackysack and get specific--as in "everyone shoot for 6pm GMT". (NB: Funny how orgasm-related language is so loaded. And there is is again.) I mean, how else can the Global Consciousness Project measure the effectiveness of your efforts? That's no way to run a serious scientific experiment. You are serious about science, aren't you?

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