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[via twitter] |
 First Jackie Clarkson, now the Bohn-heads. Perhaps there's a reason I've never bought anything from that dealership. Will someone please send them a grammar handbook--or a proofreader who graduated from fourth grade? P.S. Sorry for the crappy iPhone shot. I was too stunned to grab a real camera. But still: you get the picture.
9:53 AM
Dear Residents of Southern California: It should go without saying that all of us in southeastern Louisiana are concerned for your welfare. We remember the generosity that you showed us in our hours, days, and weeks of need. We are happy and eager to return the favor. That said, as someone painfully familiar with Mother Nature's increasingly bipolar ways, I can't help but feel jealous of your situation. Or perhaps jealous isn't the word--let's say thankful. I'm thankful that your state has the financial clout to pull through this disaster relatively quickly. I'm thankful that you've got political clout, too: although you're a tried-and-true Blue State with some important Dems in congress, you've also got a GOP governator. Not a bad combination. (Side note: your elephantine governor and our asinine one often share an iffy command of the English language. Coincidence?) As such, I'm thankful that you'll be able to get through this without relying too heavily on the federal government--or on the hollow words of a hollow-headed president, who even today seemed to be hedging his bets:
(Sadly, Mr. Bush is the personification of the very FEMA website he subsequently urged all of you to visit: frustrating, unfriendly, and anything but functional. Don't be surprised if he uses you for a handful of photo opps, then speeds off to find the nearest Cracker Barrel.) Most of all, I'm thankful that the horrors of Katrina may have prepared your elected officials and emergency personnel to provide you with an appropriate level of care. I'm not trying to be a martyr here, nor am I trying to make your disaster all about Me, Me, Me; I'm just saying that the storm was a wake-up call--for the government, for NGOs, for civic activists, and for nice, normal people who live down the block. I like to think that all of them took away a few important lessons from the post-K clusterfuck. But just in case, we've already started sending help. Sincerely,
5:20 PM
My first laugh of the day, courtesy of Tyler: Where'd you put the Doritos?
10:02 AM
7:36 AM
 Reasons to vote for Jackie:
 Reasons not to vote for Jackie:
8:57 PM
10:18 PM
Yo, check it: a new morceau de Varla, featuring none other than Hottie McHothot himself, Mario Diaz. FYI, Ms. Merman will be performing on Halloween night at Le Chat Noir. Anyone wanna tag along?
4:28 PM
For all those who believe that Louisiana is behind the times, that we're three--maybe four--steps behind every other state in the country, please note:
That's right, ladies and gentlemen: we've got ourselves a toe-tapping tearoom scandal just like the one on the evening news. Two quick observations: 1. Our homegrown homosex conflamma may be even more noteworthy than the one taking place in Idaho since, unlike Senator Craig (who'd probably be very comfortable among the non-homosexuals of Iran), DiFatta plainly admits he likes to get down with the mens. In other words, the issue isn't his penchant for knobgobbling, but rather DiFatta's fetish:
Which is remarkable language for the Picayune to use, since, well, it's the Picayune fer chrissakes! I don't even think they'll print the word "ass", yet here they are, talking about public sex between men as an outgrowth of sexual addiction. I mean, say what you want about New Orleans, but I doubt many other communities would deal with it like that. 2. On the other hand, as a gay man who's always been thoroughly aware of the tearoom phenomenon, I've thought that restroom hookups were an open secret among males of our species. In department stores, football stadiums, and gas stations across the country, gay men have gotten it on, and straight men have looked the other way. I'm sure it's not always been pleasant for the heteros, and I understand that such activity is explicitly illegal, but as long as it's consensual, to me it's a victimless crime.... And given that attitude, this may sound oddly prudish of me, but I'm not entirely sure that every schoolmarm in Peoria ought to know the minutiae of the deed and everything leading up to it. It reminds me of that scene in Desperate Living where Mink Stole goes to the toilet and the aggro lesbian in the stall next to her keeps shoving her boobs through two chest-high gloryholes: complete absurdity. I mean, ladies, y'all don't do such things, do you? What's your equivalently open secret?
6:14 AM
 I'm jammed with stuff to do this week, but if I had the time, I know where I'd be Wednesday night from 7pm - 9pm: around the corner, at Sound Cafe (2700 Chartres Street), celebrating Ken Foster's new book, Dogs I Have Met and The People They Found. And as if a reading/signing in a pet-friendly, caffeine-soaked atmosphere weren't enough, the Hot 8 Brass band will be a-playin'. Bring your hound and have a cuppa joe for me....
12:47 PM
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