You dirty little stinker, you! We know where your mind is! In the gutter! Ha!

So here's the rest of Doris and Ed's stable of Midwestern men--the best kind of men around (and we do mean "around"!)!

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Ladies and Gentlemen, feast your eyes on this tasty treat! Mr Man! Isn't he sexy!?! Mr. Man asked us not to use his real name on our site because, as you can tell from the picture, he's got a high-profile job here in Terre Haute. His family's been here for two generations! But whether we call him Steve or Stan or Stella behind our little closed doors, he's always our Mr. Man!

We met him almost a year and a half ago. He was at the gas station filling up! After we saw the basket he was sporting in his snug- fitting Dockers, we wanted him to fill us up! Ha! When he went to the restroom, Ed followed him while Doris waited in the car (so ladylike!). Ed says he had to wait a while to make his move because of the traffic from the Taco Bell (it's under the same roof as the gas station, and they share a bathroom). About half an hour later, Ed returned to the car where Doris had fallen asleep in the sweltering heat. He had good news! Mr. Man was tired now, but he said he'd come over later. And come he did! Ha! He's one hot pirogue! Every so often, he tells his wife and kids (4 girls, 4 boys--isn't that cute!?!) that he has to go away on business! And he certainly does! Business in the hairless crack of Ed's behind where he likes to spend his God-given seed groaning so loud I always think his family is going to hear (they live two blocks away)! It's been a while since we've seen him. We think he and his better half are getting a divorce. Oh, well! More for us! Ha! Ha! Ha!

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This is Mr. Mike! He's naked! In our yard! This picture was taken by Ed just last week. Mr. Mike came over to borrow a cheeseboard for a party his wife was giving. We've got plenty of cheeseboards to loan (let us know if you need one!), so Doris took him to the garage, where she keeps the extras. What Mr. Mike didn't know was that Doris' coffee was kicking in! Ha! You should have seen the look on his face! Before he knew what was happening, Doris lowered the garage door, lifted the hatchback on our station wagon (one day, we might have kids!), and threw Mr. Mike in! She was on him like mayonnaise on a hot dog!

Before long, Ed realized what was happening and moseyed outside to join in the fun. Mr. Mike said he'd never done anything with a guy before and that he really wasn't interested, but we sure changed his mind fast! Let's just say he was more awake when he left our house than he would have been if Ms. Olsen had personally sneaked into his kitchen, fixed up a batch of piping hot coffee, crept up to his bedroom, opened the door quietly so as not to wake his sleeping wife, muffled Mr. Mike and pointed a gun to his head so he would follow her to the basement, led him naked down the stairs, bent him over the bumper-pool table, lubed his behind, and given him an enema with the still-warm coffee! Ha! Now that's a funny thought! Where do we come up with these thoughts? Don't know!

Anyway, when Mr. Mike was ready to leave, we played a little game with him--we played keep-away with his clothes! That's when we took this picture! Dont' worry--we gave them back! Ha! What if we hadn't?! What would he say to his wife?! And to top it off, Mr. Mike forgot the cheeseboard!! That's why he came over in the first place! Isn't that ironical? Maybe he'll come back for more fun!

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This, ladies and gentlemen, is Mr. Rudy. We don't like Mr. Rudy much. Look at the picture! Would you? What do you imagine you'd find under the "Eek!"? If you guessed some sort of child's toy, you'd be close! Eek is right! Mr. Rudy is just plain rude! He did some very strange and weird things to us. If you see him on the street, don't talk to him! He has ways of getting your number because he knows every police officer in town! He'll follow you to your home! Please, stay away from him! We posted this picture so you'd know what he looks like! Only if you're really desperate should you even think about looking at his repulsive body! We don't know how we ever saw him as a sexual god, but we did, and now we're very, very sorry and confused! How could we have been so misled? We're sorry!

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No, it's not Alec Baldwin--though he gets that a lot! This is Terre Haute's very own Mr. Sergei. Mr. Sergei moved here about ten years ago. He came from Russia! Only then, it was the Soviet Union. Now, it's the former Soviet Union! Bye-bye! In the ten years he's been here, he's picked up a lot of English!

We met him at the bookstore--but not that kind of bookstore! It was in the shopping mall! He was looking for a dictionary (he's still a little rusty on some words), and we were looking for trouble! Ha! We caught his eye and he followed us to the children's section all the way in the back of the store. He pretended to read Winnie the Pooh, but he was really fondling Ed's crotch! Was he imagining Ed was Eeyore?! We don't think he was even reading at all!

Before long, though, children started showing up. We had to move! We tried to communicate this to him, but he didn't seem to understand. Ed spoke louder, but that drew the attention of the salespeople! Before they got suspicious, we led Mr. Sergei into the parking lot. Finally he got the picture! We went to his house. That's where this picture was taken. We're still not sure if he's supposed to be boxing or if he's imitating this dancing bear he wouldn't stop talking about! All we know if that he's awfully sexy! And feisty! In the sack, too! One day, if we save enough money (which is hard, because Doris basically works for minimum wage and she won't change jobs because she's very happy there even though she could be just as happy and make more money somewhere else), maybe we'll go to the former Soviet Union to see if the rest of the Ruskies are like Mr. Sergei!

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Look! It's Mr. Shawn! Isn't he something! Doris thinks he looks a little creepy, but Ed thinks he's angelic! Nevermind--they both know he's hung! Mr. Shawn is a student at a nearby high school (don't worry--he's 18!). He was selling raffle tickets for the band one day! Doris invited him in so she could write a check. She told him to wait in the foyer. She went to the bedroom and took off all her clothes! She lay on the bed and asked him to come get the check! What a plan! She's very creative! Needless to say, Mr. Shawn got more than he bargained for!

When Ed found out about this, at first he was mad, but the next day, Mr. Shawn came around selling raffle tickets again! This time, Ed was in the house alone! He pulled the same trick! And it worked! And we never even bought a ticket! These days, there seems to be a raffle every week! Why doesn't he just move in? Ha!

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back to our first gallery of rootin' tootin' guys