{ sturtle }

Yesterday, the trailer for Bravo’s Logo’s all-new, all-gay reality show, A-List, made the rounds. It was almost universally disparaged. And for good reason:

For those queens’ sake, I hope that footage was edited to hell and back — like on The Simpsons, when Homer was accused of manhandling the babysitter when in actuality, he just wanted a taste of the gummi Venus de Milo: “Sweet, sweet, candy!” — and that they’ll have some human qualities when the show airs. Because if people that terrible really walk the streets, things could get ugly when TV-watchers catch sight of them in public. People are pretty lousy at distinguishing “reality” from “television”, and when reality television is thrown in the mix, it gets entirely too messy. I envision Frankenstein-style lynchings at 80th and Madison — but then, I’m an optimist.

Defenders of the show will say, “Oh, it’s no worse than that Real Housewives junk”, but the majority of those housewives get to be human now and then, mostly because they have kids, and it’s so much harder to hate on kids (though not unheard of). Even I cut psychowhore Kelly Bensimon a little slack when she’s chilling with her spawn. It is possible that the gays on A-List have children too, but it is more likely that they just have chihuahuas. And while golden retrievers might inspire sympathy, chihuahuas are divisive.

Other people will say, “Oh, A-List is no worse than Sex and the City“, but two things: (a) Sex and the City was a scripted show, and (b) between Justin Theroux and Chris Noth and many other boyfriends of Miss Carrie Bradshaw, there were many naked men to ogle. A-List, on the other hand, may be affected, but it ain’t scripted. And judging by the trailer, seeing those scrappy, scrawny, queenladies get naked would be about as much of a turn-on as watching Jill Zarin sunbathe in a bikini. Which (for gay men) is not very.

Sadly, as much as people hate this show — and they already do — it’s obviously going to generate enough ad revenue to keep its producers in beach homes for the rest of their lives. I mean, if people enjoy watching that wack-ass queen flip houses, surely they’ll go for this crap.

Call me when Nurse Jackie‘s back.

P.S. I also think my averse reaction to the trailer has a lot to do with me being A Gay. Like, watching the Real Housewives crap — when I watch it — is fine because it’s so removed from my sphere. Sure, I know ladies like that, but I can still laugh at the show because I’m doing so from a distance.

Those A-List people, though? I know those queens — or at least their type — and I’ve spent the better part of my life trying to avoid being in the same room with them. Homos have a chance to be truly fabulous creatures: different and apart. To emulate the worst traits of condescending, self-aggrandizing women seems like a lost opportunity.